It's something my husband and I have discussed a lot, too. I am OBSESSED with quality, but am perfectly aware of how I can be tempted to go too far at the cost of Quality Living as you say. I have a polyester baby sweater crocheted by my great-grandmother -- I simply can't get rid of it though. Because although I am a little snooty and think crocheting is inferior to knitting, and polyester is toxic, I can't help but remember that so many relatives wore it and why should I deny that to our child? I also have a couple baby dresses from my grandmother that I'm certain are synthetic. But again -- my uncles and aunts wore them. I want our children to not watch TV... but when they go to Grandma's house, I don't want them to feel like they can't watch it with her. I think of my grandparents who eat organic only food, who wear the best clothes, who have the best for everything. They talk about how long their lives will be and the quality of their health. But they will never eat at any of their children's homes, they rarely have guests over (the food they serve is pricey) and they turn down all dinner invitations. And so they have no communion with anyone. They have gone to none of the family's weddings, etc. They are not in any of their children's or grandchildren's lives because what would they eat if they traveled? And they wouldn't be able to sleep on the best, quality bed since they own that at home. And so they have extended their lives in the pursuit of Quality, but they are lonely. I want to have a balance for our children and our home -- a place that is comfortable and beautiful and filled with true quality things, but also brimming with laughter and life, and able to share in that in other homes with other people.
I love that loom, too! And the basket of yarn is so satisfying! I had a rug loom, but wasn't able to move it to Upstate New York. I would love to get into weaving, so maybe I'll get it up here at some point. But I think I'm going to try and master spinning first this winter.
Oh my, Keturah! Your reflections here are just incredible and such perfect testimony to my thesis in this essay. It's such a hard line to walk between the fact that, usually, quality does indeed inhere in natural fibres and organic food -- and the other fact that, sometimes, it transcends them! Getting that balance wrong can mean for example that the longevity your grandparents seek is actually sabotaged by their lack of communion with anyone... since relationship is so crucial to health. Rigid adherence to the "things" we think are good with no space for ambiguity can blind us to the real nature and nuance of quality living.
We also don't have a TV and I'd prefer our children only to watch films when the occasion is ritualised-- but of course, I can't and won't keep them from the screens in her grandparents' homes, nor will I demand they always cook organic food for them when they visit.
Thank you so much again for sharing your thoughts so generously ❤️
Wow I had chills the entire time reading this. Nietzsche was also the hero of my youth and if you haven’t read the Sue Prideaux book “I Am Dynamite” on his life I think you would absolutely love it. I also completely dissociate at the tourist hellsites in Athens. My father-in-law grew up there and I’ve been lucky to see all the secret corners of his youth but surviving the Acropolis is a whole different story. I have to just force myself to make drawings and try and ignore the hoards of incredibly rude people. Because my husband is fluent in “old” Greek (like the equivalent of formal early 20th century English) that his grandparents spoke to him we are treated well even in the worst parts, including our much-dreaded trip to Santorini with my Australian TOURIST grandmother! It’s so important to us that (our) Penelope learns Greek so I’m learning too.
Woah! I only just connected the dots--- your daughter is named Penelope too? That's uncanny! My parents barely used Greek growing up and I wasn't sent to Greek school like most Greek-Australian kids but I started teaching myself in my teens and now I teach others! The plan is likewise to teach my daughter who looks almost entirely like her Anglo-Slavic father and not a speck like her Greek mother (yet)... but at least she'll have the tongue if I'm successful with the bilingual language immersion!
Yes the Parthenon and surrounding city centre Plaka Monastriaki etc is so depressing these days. I always fantasise about what it would be like to visit as a party of one without a single other tourist, just to really behold the place in silence with no screens flung up in my way. Mainstream tourism in Greece (and everywhere) deeply rouses my distaste and actually puts me in a very low and disdainful mood when I'm travelling. For that I try to avoid busy routes and always live/stay with local families... Luckily in Greece we still have some family property (for now).
Edit: I will be getting my hands on "I Am Dynamite" for sure!
Also, as my husband’s deeply mystical and pious great grandmother would say, with all the bureaucratic corruption of the church it’s literally a miracle it still exists and that people go. I think there is a deeply mystical vein of the Greek Orthodox Christian faith that is totally unparalleled in any other denomination, from the Byzantine chants to the icons to the church architecture itself! It goes back to what you say about quality though… when I hear drumming and chants at a powwow here in Montana I have the same spiritual experience as a liturgy in a Greek monastery. Also the detail about the polyester toy made with love was so brilliant. Our neighbors gave our daughter the most beautiful hand knit acrylic cardigan with plastic flower buttons that their child wore decades ago and it brought me to tears— could you ever imagine saying, “um no thanks we don’t do polyester” LOL
Love this! Yes my grandfather was rubbed the wrong way by the church during his upbringing in Greece and so a kind of mistrust and derision of religion was passed down through my mum (and dad) to me growing up... Some part of me knew that I was seeking God early on but expressed that pursuit through different outlets due to the stigma surrounding it in my family but also in our social circles more broadly. That mystical vein of Greek Orthodox Christianity has become more and more apparent to me and certainly is appealing. We don't have much of a community here around us though through which to explore it... Any recommendations for where to start would be appreciated. I feel some sort of more rigorous engagement with my religious heritage is due very soon.
I'm sure that acrylic cardigan is just wonderful and though I deeply love natural fibres and choose them whenever possible, I'd be dismayed by anyone who would outright refuse a gift out of a blinkered adherence to them...! Thank you so much for sharing your resonances with the piece 🌷
What a thing to hear! Thank you so much Emily. I likewise love your work & especially appreciate your insights as a very experienced mother/homemaker with a more sobered outlook, but who is nonetheless still humble and curious.
I linked to your publication through an article by Emily Phillips (A Warm Hearth). I read very little in this season, but was drawn in by your essays. I realized after reading this one, it is because of quality! I was initially inspired by the voice of your work as it is very fresh/separate from my own. I geek over reading material from opposing poles (the antithesis of my own projects usually catalyizes them. Like reading a Venetian biography while penning some philosophical fiction). You mentioned you love comments, so I am just dropping a line from one writer to another. Thank you for crafting and sharing.
Thank you so much for your comment. I love that you're drawn to voices that juxtapose your own, what a great characteristic. Do you share your own writing? I see not here on Substack but perhaps elsewhere?
I just subscribed a couple of days ago and really enjoyed this intro. You are a beautiful (quality) writer! I’ve been thinking about this concept of quality (although I hadn’t pinpointed it as that) for awhile now and have failed to articulate what you just did. Especially within the online, health-conscious, organic materials, etc. communities the focus on clean foods and fibers and environment can feel empty and soulless. Like I know that these things tend to be good, but they are not good in themselves. Anyway, I won’t try to articulate because you just did it perfectly! I look forward to reading more of your posts.
This is such a beautiful comment, thank you so much Lili. Yes the health-conscious community can sometimes miss the point because, as I said, they fix too rigidly on "things" and "labels"! But quality always has the upperhand-- just when we think we can objectify it, it slips away... :)
I haven't shared any written pieces on my Substack since my writing is longer-form, but I hope to get something out there in the future. I'm working my way towards children's fiction. I think it's becoming my way to express life's depths - and writing and becoming go so well together, don't you think?
P.s. I like what you said about prose and poetry. That is so encouraging. I never realized that is what I was aiming for too. I have a very lyrical pace to one of my pieces....it's nice to be reminded that "breaking the rules," is actually more than ok. I am reminded as I wrote this, that when we lived in Ireland we picked up a lilt. Music is so primordial. I was just thinking earlier today that I need more song in the daily.
I so enjoy your comments, Sarah! Lyrical prose is totally addictive. Nietzsche's prose definitely feels like music in parts, it really feels alive. I'd say definitely break the rules and push form to its limits-- we need more of this kind of writing. There is so much deadening crap out there. Write for life!
Thank you so much for this work, Penelope. All of your letters are a living gift, each in striking consonance and seasonality with my inner reality. I think you live around Castlemaine? My best friend moved there about a decade ago so I am familiar with the rugged delights of this area.
Nicola you have no idea how touched I am to have my essays called "a living gift". That's perhaps the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. Thank you so much! And yes, not far-- Ballarat! But we are in and around Castlemaine and the Central Highlands frequently. :)
We lived for 8 years in Vanuatu (where our eldest was born) and moved back to Australia for the birth of our youngest daughter, who has just turned 1. Now we live in a big conservation area in the hinterland of Port Macquarie, NSW. We are a well-travelled family!
I love this topic! Interesting observation about the good meals you had in Morocco, despite your host family's lack of wealth. I've noticed something similar: you can find quality things in the poorest homes. Quality things are not necessarily expensive, particularly if they are unfashionable and pre-loved, you can sometimes get them quite cheaply. People with good taste and patience (regardless of income) often have quality things in their homes.
Thank you for commenting Donal. Amen! It always vexes me when people insist that quality is somehow irrevocably linked to affluence and that pursuing it is somehow an upper-middle class privilege. I'm planning to debunk this myth. Quality often inheres in the "poorer" homes because these are the people that tend to be resourceful and, as you say, own and look for pre-loved items which have a special story and character. On the other hand some of the most affluent totally lack the eye for quality and fill their lives with expensive ugliness.
I so enjoyed reading this!
It's something my husband and I have discussed a lot, too. I am OBSESSED with quality, but am perfectly aware of how I can be tempted to go too far at the cost of Quality Living as you say. I have a polyester baby sweater crocheted by my great-grandmother -- I simply can't get rid of it though. Because although I am a little snooty and think crocheting is inferior to knitting, and polyester is toxic, I can't help but remember that so many relatives wore it and why should I deny that to our child? I also have a couple baby dresses from my grandmother that I'm certain are synthetic. But again -- my uncles and aunts wore them. I want our children to not watch TV... but when they go to Grandma's house, I don't want them to feel like they can't watch it with her. I think of my grandparents who eat organic only food, who wear the best clothes, who have the best for everything. They talk about how long their lives will be and the quality of their health. But they will never eat at any of their children's homes, they rarely have guests over (the food they serve is pricey) and they turn down all dinner invitations. And so they have no communion with anyone. They have gone to none of the family's weddings, etc. They are not in any of their children's or grandchildren's lives because what would they eat if they traveled? And they wouldn't be able to sleep on the best, quality bed since they own that at home. And so they have extended their lives in the pursuit of Quality, but they are lonely. I want to have a balance for our children and our home -- a place that is comfortable and beautiful and filled with true quality things, but also brimming with laughter and life, and able to share in that in other homes with other people.
I love that loom, too! And the basket of yarn is so satisfying! I had a rug loom, but wasn't able to move it to Upstate New York. I would love to get into weaving, so maybe I'll get it up here at some point. But I think I'm going to try and master spinning first this winter.
Oh my, Keturah! Your reflections here are just incredible and such perfect testimony to my thesis in this essay. It's such a hard line to walk between the fact that, usually, quality does indeed inhere in natural fibres and organic food -- and the other fact that, sometimes, it transcends them! Getting that balance wrong can mean for example that the longevity your grandparents seek is actually sabotaged by their lack of communion with anyone... since relationship is so crucial to health. Rigid adherence to the "things" we think are good with no space for ambiguity can blind us to the real nature and nuance of quality living.
We also don't have a TV and I'd prefer our children only to watch films when the occasion is ritualised-- but of course, I can't and won't keep them from the screens in her grandparents' homes, nor will I demand they always cook organic food for them when they visit.
Thank you so much again for sharing your thoughts so generously ❤️
Wow I had chills the entire time reading this. Nietzsche was also the hero of my youth and if you haven’t read the Sue Prideaux book “I Am Dynamite” on his life I think you would absolutely love it. I also completely dissociate at the tourist hellsites in Athens. My father-in-law grew up there and I’ve been lucky to see all the secret corners of his youth but surviving the Acropolis is a whole different story. I have to just force myself to make drawings and try and ignore the hoards of incredibly rude people. Because my husband is fluent in “old” Greek (like the equivalent of formal early 20th century English) that his grandparents spoke to him we are treated well even in the worst parts, including our much-dreaded trip to Santorini with my Australian TOURIST grandmother! It’s so important to us that (our) Penelope learns Greek so I’m learning too.
Woah! I only just connected the dots--- your daughter is named Penelope too? That's uncanny! My parents barely used Greek growing up and I wasn't sent to Greek school like most Greek-Australian kids but I started teaching myself in my teens and now I teach others! The plan is likewise to teach my daughter who looks almost entirely like her Anglo-Slavic father and not a speck like her Greek mother (yet)... but at least she'll have the tongue if I'm successful with the bilingual language immersion!
Yes the Parthenon and surrounding city centre Plaka Monastriaki etc is so depressing these days. I always fantasise about what it would be like to visit as a party of one without a single other tourist, just to really behold the place in silence with no screens flung up in my way. Mainstream tourism in Greece (and everywhere) deeply rouses my distaste and actually puts me in a very low and disdainful mood when I'm travelling. For that I try to avoid busy routes and always live/stay with local families... Luckily in Greece we still have some family property (for now).
Edit: I will be getting my hands on "I Am Dynamite" for sure!
Also, as my husband’s deeply mystical and pious great grandmother would say, with all the bureaucratic corruption of the church it’s literally a miracle it still exists and that people go. I think there is a deeply mystical vein of the Greek Orthodox Christian faith that is totally unparalleled in any other denomination, from the Byzantine chants to the icons to the church architecture itself! It goes back to what you say about quality though… when I hear drumming and chants at a powwow here in Montana I have the same spiritual experience as a liturgy in a Greek monastery. Also the detail about the polyester toy made with love was so brilliant. Our neighbors gave our daughter the most beautiful hand knit acrylic cardigan with plastic flower buttons that their child wore decades ago and it brought me to tears— could you ever imagine saying, “um no thanks we don’t do polyester” LOL
Love this! Yes my grandfather was rubbed the wrong way by the church during his upbringing in Greece and so a kind of mistrust and derision of religion was passed down through my mum (and dad) to me growing up... Some part of me knew that I was seeking God early on but expressed that pursuit through different outlets due to the stigma surrounding it in my family but also in our social circles more broadly. That mystical vein of Greek Orthodox Christianity has become more and more apparent to me and certainly is appealing. We don't have much of a community here around us though through which to explore it... Any recommendations for where to start would be appreciated. I feel some sort of more rigorous engagement with my religious heritage is due very soon.
I'm sure that acrylic cardigan is just wonderful and though I deeply love natural fibres and choose them whenever possible, I'd be dismayed by anyone who would outright refuse a gift out of a blinkered adherence to them...! Thank you so much for sharing your resonances with the piece 🌷
You are my favorite Substack to read and have been for awhile! I can’t wait to see what’s in store :)
What a thing to hear! Thank you so much Emily. I likewise love your work & especially appreciate your insights as a very experienced mother/homemaker with a more sobered outlook, but who is nonetheless still humble and curious.
I linked to your publication through an article by Emily Phillips (A Warm Hearth). I read very little in this season, but was drawn in by your essays. I realized after reading this one, it is because of quality! I was initially inspired by the voice of your work as it is very fresh/separate from my own. I geek over reading material from opposing poles (the antithesis of my own projects usually catalyizes them. Like reading a Venetian biography while penning some philosophical fiction). You mentioned you love comments, so I am just dropping a line from one writer to another. Thank you for crafting and sharing.
Dear Sarah,
Thank you so much for your comment. I love that you're drawn to voices that juxtapose your own, what a great characteristic. Do you share your own writing? I see not here on Substack but perhaps elsewhere?
I just subscribed a couple of days ago and really enjoyed this intro. You are a beautiful (quality) writer! I’ve been thinking about this concept of quality (although I hadn’t pinpointed it as that) for awhile now and have failed to articulate what you just did. Especially within the online, health-conscious, organic materials, etc. communities the focus on clean foods and fibers and environment can feel empty and soulless. Like I know that these things tend to be good, but they are not good in themselves. Anyway, I won’t try to articulate because you just did it perfectly! I look forward to reading more of your posts.
This is such a beautiful comment, thank you so much Lili. Yes the health-conscious community can sometimes miss the point because, as I said, they fix too rigidly on "things" and "labels"! But quality always has the upperhand-- just when we think we can objectify it, it slips away... :)
I haven't shared any written pieces on my Substack since my writing is longer-form, but I hope to get something out there in the future. I'm working my way towards children's fiction. I think it's becoming my way to express life's depths - and writing and becoming go so well together, don't you think?
P.s. I like what you said about prose and poetry. That is so encouraging. I never realized that is what I was aiming for too. I have a very lyrical pace to one of my pieces....it's nice to be reminded that "breaking the rules," is actually more than ok. I am reminded as I wrote this, that when we lived in Ireland we picked up a lilt. Music is so primordial. I was just thinking earlier today that I need more song in the daily.
I so enjoy your comments, Sarah! Lyrical prose is totally addictive. Nietzsche's prose definitely feels like music in parts, it really feels alive. I'd say definitely break the rules and push form to its limits-- we need more of this kind of writing. There is so much deadening crap out there. Write for life!
Are you a Greek Penelope just like my daughter???
I am indeed! With heritage from Ithaca, the Peloponnese as well as northern Greece. I noted your surname, too :)
Thank you so much for this work, Penelope. All of your letters are a living gift, each in striking consonance and seasonality with my inner reality. I think you live around Castlemaine? My best friend moved there about a decade ago so I am familiar with the rugged delights of this area.
Nicola you have no idea how touched I am to have my essays called "a living gift". That's perhaps the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. Thank you so much! And yes, not far-- Ballarat! But we are in and around Castlemaine and the Central Highlands frequently. :)
A beautiful part of the world - I am originally from Melbourne but left in 2012 - the winters are so harsh in Victoria!
Did you move somewhere warmer? :)
We lived for 8 years in Vanuatu (where our eldest was born) and moved back to Australia for the birth of our youngest daughter, who has just turned 1. Now we live in a big conservation area in the hinterland of Port Macquarie, NSW. We are a well-travelled family!
I love this topic! Interesting observation about the good meals you had in Morocco, despite your host family's lack of wealth. I've noticed something similar: you can find quality things in the poorest homes. Quality things are not necessarily expensive, particularly if they are unfashionable and pre-loved, you can sometimes get them quite cheaply. People with good taste and patience (regardless of income) often have quality things in their homes.
Thank you for commenting Donal. Amen! It always vexes me when people insist that quality is somehow irrevocably linked to affluence and that pursuing it is somehow an upper-middle class privilege. I'm planning to debunk this myth. Quality often inheres in the "poorer" homes because these are the people that tend to be resourceful and, as you say, own and look for pre-loved items which have a special story and character. On the other hand some of the most affluent totally lack the eye for quality and fill their lives with expensive ugliness.
I recently wrote a poem about this, which I'll post on Substack sometime.
Please do and link it here when published, I'd love to read